JANUARY TEST DRIVE MEME!

[reddosmod]

JANUARY 2023 TDM

Another month, another test drive meme! Our test drive memes are open to anyone interested - regardless of whether or not you join our game!

All Test Drive Memes are game canon. Players can choose to keep their TDM threads canon or not. TDM threads can be used for AC and can be used as your writing sample for your application.

Our TDMs serve as a way to build into the actual lore and worldbuilding of Deer Country and we strongly encourage everyone to enjoy and participate! Current players are always welcome to pull prompts from the TDM to reference on the Network or bring into logs as well as tag out to new characters top-leveling on the TDM itself.

Characters will always be able to actively die during TDMs as this is an extremely dangerous world. You can still have this be game canon! Check out how character death in Deer Country works here.

If you have any questions about the TDM, please ask down below!

IMAGE DESCRIPTORS IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE
Prompt One
[Image One: Bloody Candles]
[Image Two: Anatomically Correct Chocolate Hearts in a Coffin]

Prompt Two
[Image One: Woman in restaurant, dressed in pink, surrounded by mannequins.]
[Image Two: Creepy looking mannequin staring]

Prompt Three
[Image One: Hands touching and holding at sunset]
[Image Two: Girl Screaming with her Mouth Fused Shut.]

[NAVIGATION]

TDM Questions • Reserves • Taken • Applications • Full Navigation

[Jump to Comments]

A TYPICAL ARRIVAL WITH A SWEET TWIST

WHEN: Last Week of January through all February

WHERE: The Shores, Boardwalk and throughout Trench

CONTENT WARNINGS: Mild Body horror for arrival, additional warnings for Blood Bonds and the Chocolatier:
* Blood Bonds: Blood ceremony, bodily ceremony, telepathic/empathetic connections, possible forced/coerced relationships.
* Choclatier: Themes of temptation (non-sexual and/or sexual), addiction, blood sacrifice, severely warped personality/reality including temporary amnesia, inability to use body, paranoia, vomiting organs, homicidal feelings, mild body horror.

---

For those who are arriving, they are fortunate. The worst of the ice and chill of the Season of Bone is fading. Any ice flows are breaking up and it is safe for little squidlings to come to shore, wakers present to help them with cups of hot cocoa and heavy robes to ward off of the cold. Nothing, however, removes the almost bleak and dreary state of the world. All of the beach seems washed with a sort of white that remindes the mind of bleached bone. Transformation from squid to the sleeper's natural form is slower, because of the cold, but does not pose any real difficulty.

Warm Food is prepared in the form of stews, complemented by bread that tastes heavily of mushroom. Unlike prior years, no roses are given to the new sleepers, though there are roses found throughout the city of trench. All of them, however, are black as midnight and there is an ominous sense to them should a sleeper think to reach out and pluck the blooms. Should someone do so, they will feel an increased paranoia about their relationships for the next few days and the natives of Trench will give them a wide berth, refusing to sell them anything at the shops and shooing them away, though there is no outward sign of anything being amiss. Whispers in town hint that the Doorway is in a poor mood this year.

Nevertheless, the patron pthumerian of the month can be seen around Trench. Bonding Rituals remain very popular this month and many seek to curry her presence during their rites. She shows no outward sign of discomfort or disapproval, yet there seems to be more blood than usual on her ivory blade as she stands in silent vigil wherever a ritual is performed.

Anyone who yearns for a bit of sweetness that they might associate with the waning chill of winter will find themselves meeting a sudden and disturbing fellow (CW: Some Blood/Disturbing Content in some chocolates. Please check warnings in prompt). The chocolatier, who was seen in past years, still wanders about and appears to any who yearn for a happier time in the otherwise gloom of the month. His offer is simple. A little bit of blood, for a little bit of sweet. What is the harm in it? Why his sweets even have mystical properties to make life interesting!

FAQ:
* The Chocolatier option remains identical to what happened in 2023, and is available throughout the last week of January and into February. The chocolates offered have not changed this year.
* Blood Bonds are available all year round, and the method of getting one is easily learned from any local in Trench, or from a Sleeper. While they can be performed every year, they are more powerful if performed in this month (Player discretion) and the Doorway is more likely to be present to bless them personally.

WAIT FOR ME

WHEN: Anytime in February

WHERE: Anywhere in Trench

CONTENT WARNINGS: Body Horror, Loneliness, Depression elements, Being Trapped in One's Own Body, Psychological Horror

---

Sleepers have been working to put an end to the strange plague afflicting pthumerians. Still, while there has been success, something seems off this month nevertheless. Even if she is not ill, the Doorway appears to be in a foul mood and it is felt by many. There is a moody, brooding sense that permeates the whole of the city, as if something were supposed to happen that did not. It's the awful sense that one gets when they expect to meet up with someone for something important and, without warning, that person does not show and there's no explanation. That light gnawing at the pit of the stomach when worry or irritation sets in grows steadily worse. Is this about someone specific, or a general malaise? It's hard to tell what sets it off. For some, it comes waiting by the coast in the hopes a loved one arrives this month. For others, maybe someone was just busy and ended up late for lunch. It might not even have a visible cause.

Whatever happens, the dreadful reality settles in almost immediately. As they wait, the person begins to feel their body stiffen. It does not feel like the lockjoint disease, but rather a sudden and whole-body hardening of the person. Within seconds, they feel their body solidifying into a state almost like a mannequin. Unable to move, they can feel a dread cold leeching into their heart as they are forced to watch, to wait for whoever was supposed to be there. Why aren't they here? The longer that they are there, the colder that they feel, and if they are in a secluded place it could feel quite perilous. However, no monsters can seem to harm the person, their body nigh indestructible. The frigid state, however, denies them the ability to sleep or even blink, forced to watch the world as a prisoner in their own mind.

Palebloods are somewhat fortunate in this state. All palebloods trapped this way find themselves able to telepathically communicate with loved ones or people close, regardless of distance. Their voices, however, are always in a state like the wail of a ghost regardless of their mental state. For anyone else, they can manage to mentally connect through the network to plead for help using an omni on their person, though only in Text form until they are released. So, at least they are not trapped without escape, unless by chance they forgot their omni, but you wouldn't be so foolish as to leave home without your phone would you?

HOW TO CURE THE CONDITION:
Several options exist. Anyone with a "Blade of Mercy" (a gift given last February) could use it to sever whatever connection caused the person to feel like they are waiting, though that might very well sever the emotional connection entirely! The very person that they are waiting for could arrive, in which case a kiss (on the cheek, on the lips, gallantly on one knee to the back of the hand. Whatever works for you!) or an apology for tardiness should suffice to warm the heart. If there is no source, or if that person cannot arrive (or chooses not to), any friend or even new acquaintance can try to help the person not feel quite as alone in their waiting through some reasonable means. Any cure-all for corruption will also help with this condition.

The locales do not have any idea officially how to cure the condition, but they may suggest some of the above simply because it seems helpful at the time. At the worst, the condition does eventually fade with time.

FAQ:
* This can happen in a public location, or entirely remote, wherever you wish.
* The above "Cures" are not exhaustive. Any reasonable act that establishes or re-establishes empathy for the person trapped will cure them.
* Paleblood Telepathy is not limited by distance. However, non-palebloods must have their omni on their person in order to mentally link to it.
* This condition does not lead to death, but if allowed to persist is a reasonable source of higher corruption.
* If untreated, it will usually clear up in a couple days, or at most a week. If a player wishes to use this as a form of hiatus in February, they may, in which case it can last all month.

YOU TAKE MY BREATH AWAY

WHEN: The First Week of February

WHERE: Anywhere in Trench

CONTENT WARNINGS: Choking, Asphyxiation, Body Horror, Dependency, Possible Death

---

Self-reliance is a powerful tool in the city of Trench. You have to be able to take care of yourself, lest the dangerous elements on the fringe of the city overtake you and claim you in the night. Right?

The Doorway could not disagree more. To her, people depend upon each other. Corruption is only cleansed through the presence of others and conversation, connection. Cures and potions are, in her thought, unreliable. Even going to the Blood Ministers is more of a last-ditch effort when all else fails as she sees it. Sometimes? People need a little gentle reminder, a push to get them to rely upon each other more. Unfortunately, what a Pthumerian considers a gentle push to be tends not to be so gentle.

It happens at random, though it seems to happen most of all when it involves people who might not want to be close. You come into contact with a person, and just as you start to speak, you feel your throat throttle. It is like there is an invisible noose around your neck. No visible rope exists, but the air is cut off. You double over, gasping for air that will not come. Even if you don't or can't breathe you find yourself choking like a flopping goldfish out of water! As you reach out for help, you can see to your horror that the person you are trying to meet is choking too! What do you do? There is only one cure to this situation. You have to get to the other person quickly. There's still time. Maybe you can find some sort of solution if you get there. Deep down, you know you just need to be closer.

The moment that the two choking sleepers make contact, they will be able to breathe. The relief of oxygen entering the lungs comes instantly, though there is a problem. Any time you break contact, you begin to choke again. So long as you are able to stay in contact, you're safe but any attempt to break that contact is potentially life threatening. There is no solution other than to hold onto each other, hold hands, whatever it takes to maintain contact. For how long you ask? Oh, for at least an hour. But it's not like anyone's actually going to give you a timer on this. Will you just put up with it, or will you keep experimenting only to be choked repeatedly.

FAQ:
* Anyone can be affected by this, no matter physiology. It defies magical powers, biology and even blood powers.
* The effects last no more than 6 hours at the absolute max and most of the time it will end within 1 hour.
* Effects will cease when the two participants go to sleep (No accidental chokings). As a result, the effect will always start at least an hour before you might normally go to sleep.
* Yes, you can choke to death if you want.
* There is no knowledge of the effect amongst the locals and no warning about it, so there is no real warning on how to "cure" this other than the compulsion to get close to the other choking person and trial and error. Or Patience!
* No, the Doorway isn't sorry.

CODING

Comments

200.50

[hauntedsavior]

[it's a shed that would be familiar to anna if she were aware of it. it's a shed that would be immediately recognizable to anyone who knows her. ask her of shared souls and she'll have no idea what you're talking about. ask her about A2 and she'll assume you mean the steak sauce. but right now, nobody is asking anything except for help. her throat tightens, and she sees these computer glitches in her vision, and her breath escapes her—and she hears a voice.]

[she shuts her eyes to try to block the images being projected, but it doesn't work, does it? it never could; she wouldn't get that lucky. she screws her eyes open, then, and walks forward as she struggles for breath. she sees—it has to be the person whose voice she heard. she looks familiar. she looks too familiar in a way that makes anna's heart ache with the longing of seeing someone who doesn't recognize you across the bar.]

[she reaches out her hand to the other woman's shoulder and hopes that her long blonde hair isn't curtaining her eyes so much that her concern can't be seen. once her pale-skinned hand makes contact, she gasps in, her eyes going wide. she isn't concerned with her own health; she doesn't wait until her lungs are filled before asking something in her mother tongue.]

Kannst du mich hören? [and again, in english.] Can you hear me? Do you need help?

signalis spoilers

[toteninsel]

[ Someone touches her in gentleness. They do not make it stop. Whoever it is, who speaks so much like Elster but is not Elster at all, asks Ariane a question. Ariane tries to move her tongue and cannot, tries to move her lips and cannot. There is a pit before her, and it is endless. There is a red eye in the sky. The mechanical sound of a lid, closing.

Can she hear? Static-filled, as if over a poorly-tuned radio, Anna will be able to faintly hear a song.

Does she need help? The wind howls, and it says, ja. ]

[hauntedsavior]

[anna closes her eyes. as long as she's touching this person, this person who lives in the fringes of her memory in ways that cannot be put into words, she can breathe. so for now, she is rooted in place. (there may be more to it than that; she'll do this one step at a time.)]

[she can hear the music, but only barely recognizes it—one of the classical composers that her parents had tried to impress on her. she takes her other hand and touches this woman's upper arm. there's no way to know what could make this stop. she thinks the words hilf uns as a plea rather than a command and she doesn't know what makes her do it. her voice is soft, and she continues speaking in that gentle, flowing german of someone who's spoken it most of her life.]

Can you show me more about what's wrong?

signalis spoilers continue

[toteninsel]

[ The German washes over Ariane like a tide, a balm. In and out. It could be Elster's voice, although Ariane is present to know that it isn't. Still, there's a similar kindness to it. A message of help, of solving the problem and making things right.

It's not a promise. But it's all Ariane has right now, and mentally, she clings to it like a raft out at sea. And slowly -- almost imperceptibly -- Ariane blinks. It's not much, but it's the beginning of a thaw.

The hope that brings allows Ariane to steady herself a little, enough to answer the question. The picture in Anna's mind changes. There is no sound here except the creak and wheeze of a dying machine. There is no light except a soft, faint red. There is a pod, and it is shaped like a coffin, and in it lies a girl.

In that same German: trapped. ]

cw ruminations on death

[hauntedsavior]

[there is fear in anna's heart as it beats close to this trapped woman. she breathes in sharply; she thinks of opa. the machines that had kept him alive until they didn't, and the pain that they had told her he wasn't in. it's been long enough for her to learn to doubt that.]

[she thinks, es tut mir leid. she thinks, ich wird dich befreien. she knows she can't promise it, or that she doesn't know how, but she thinks it anyway.]

[breathing in slowly through her nose, she takes in the scent of seawater and the chill in the winter air. the hand from this woman's shoulder goes behind her neck like anna is supporting her head, and anna brings herself closer. there's a simple word, only three letters in english, for what anna is trying to do, but she can't make herself say it even in her mother tongue. what she asks instead sends a shiver down her spine. she wants to be wrong.]

Willst du sterben?

cw: suicide

[toteninsel]

[ Ariane's head is supported by a hand, and not by suspension liquid in a cryogenic pod. She can feel the ground beneath her feet, and the warmth of another's body. The stranger makes a promise, and even though it's not the same as what she had with Elster, it's another anchor for Ariane to hold fast to.

The stranger asks that final, most awful question, and the understanding is a balm. That was what she wanted, once. But the stranger was closer to correct the first time. Ariane wants to be free.

The thaw starts in her hands and arms, and Ariane brings them up to hold fast to the other woman. It spreads to her knees, feet, toes. Her heart warms last, and the vision begins to melt away, until the two are back in Trench, and the only sounds are the liveliness of the city. ]

Not anymore. [ That's not quite right. ] Not again.

Thank you.

[hauntedsavior]

[a familiar world fades in around them, and there is the touch of another on anna's skin, and she lets go of a breath she had been holding voluntarily. the woman, the stranger who had spoken without speaking, almost feels frail, but there is a flutter inside anna when she suddenly finds herself being held close. she doesn't want to let go; if she does, more bad things will happen, she's sure.]

Bitte.

[she wants to maintain this small level of intimacy between their shared language, but isn't sure if she needs to, and she can tell that this woman is... well. she can tell this woman can understand a lot of things, and in ways that are far above anna's head.]

What can I do to help you now? [she's done something to help already, at least. with the horrors passed, at least for now, she feels slightly more comfortable pressing her hand more definitively against the back of this woman's head. pressing the smaller woman to her chest in a way that nestles her enough to make anna's heart ache. holding her in a proper hug. there is intimacy in intimacy itself, as it turns out.] Do you need to... go to that island you were showing me? Or something?

[toteninsel]

I think... I think I need to sit down.

[ Now that the danger has passed. Ariane's body is still out of practice with things like standing and moving, and the last thing she wants after all that is to make that obvious. This stranger has learned a lot, in a relatively short time, and Ariane would feel embarrassed if she wasn't already well past that.

The hug is nice, though. Soothing, which reminds her of --

-- Elster. She's probably worried sick. Ariane should be home by now. She pulls away, taking a seat on some nearby steps. ]

No. No, that's just a painting I like. [ And that's just a good enough explanation for that! ] I need to get back to Elster.

[ Smoke forms around Ariane's heart, and it coalesces into a white-feathered, red-eyed magpie. Tell her I'm safe, Ariane whispers, and the bird flies away without a word. ]

[hauntedsavior]

[anna's quiet, taking that in. yes. right. this isn't rose, she just looks like her. looks like her the way she looks now, instead of in anna's memories of her. it's not her and she can't treat her like she is. when the woman pulls away, anna waits for her breath to stop, but it never happens. she can breathe normally, devoid of contact from another—and it, too, makes her heart hurt. in silence, she walks over to the steps and sits down next to this stranger.]

[she feels like she's overstepped, now that the realization is starting to hit her. she'd gotten lost within her own thoughts, her own desires. a small, yet no less false reality of her own weaving. she thinks the words mein Rosenherz without meaning to as she turns her head, blue eyes settling on the woman who can never be that.]

Okay. We can try to find them. What do—[and she closes her eyes and thinks back to the image that had not been the painting of the island.] Was that Elster, that you showed me? Who are they?

[toteninsel]

[ If Anna looks hurt, Ariane, for better or for worse, doesn't notice. She's too busy turning Anna's question over in her brain, repeating it back to herself again and again. Who are they? Who is she?

There are some words, of course, that are right out. Friend, for one. Even partner sounds too clinical, like they're on a team and nothing more, like all they did together was fly that ship. Wife, too, isn't quite right. Marriage means the Nation touches what they have, and no matter what the Nation claims, Ariane and Elster are not in love because of the Nation that tried to kill them, but in spite of it.

But there's an older word, one that fell out of style years and years ago. ]

My beloved. [ Ariane smiles, ever so slightly, for the first time since Anna sees her. ] Yes, you saw her. She's the most important person in the world.

[ Without qualification. ]

You can walk with me, if you like. But I understand if you don't want to. [ Ariane's smile turns rueful, nearly bitter. ] I'm sorry if I caused you any pain.

[hauntedsavior]

[it fits well on this woman's face, she thinks. the smile. the smile of someone who is truly, utterly in love. it's strong enough to reflect, however sadly, on anna's own lips.]

I would be glad to walk with you. I know this place, so maybe we can find your magpie together. [it's complicated. it feels like she belongs here but she has so few specific memories—but she could name every brick of every building.]

You were looking for her. I would do the same thing if I could. [she says it with just a hint of levity, but the weight of it really is impossible for anna to ignore.] There's a girl at home—not here, the home that I came from. Her name is Rose. [and there's something blocking her throat as she tries to speak what's obvious; she doesn't get it out. it might be for the best.]

Um. My name's Anna, by the way. I didn't say and I don't know if you... picked it up from being inside my head or not.

[toteninsel]

[ There is a girl from home, and she is unreachable as her home is. Anna doesn't need to say anything more. Ariane understands. She does wonder, idly, if this Anna wants to go home. What would she do to get there? How much would she tear down, in the process? How much does Anna really understand? ]

I didn't. Don't worry, I wasn't looking at your memories. Your secrets are safe.

[ Truthfully, Ariane isn't proud of that outburst. It's embarrassing, how scared she was. ]

I'm Ariane. I hope you find your Rose, someday. [ Ariane begins the slow, careful process of standing up again, making sure she doesn't take it too quickly. After all this, passing out in front of Anna would be -- well, not the worst, but close to it. ] I'd like to get closer to the waves.

[ That's where all of them come from, isn't it? So that's where Elster will be. ]

[hauntedsavior]

[anna takes her time standing up, but only so she doesn't outpace ariane or put herself in a position where the girl will feel abandoned. besides, there is still that frailty, that shakiness, and it would be a phenomenally dick move to just leave her. so instead she nods, once they're both to her feet, and she offers her shoulder if ariane would like to drape over it or something.]

Yeah. We can go to the ocean. We shouldn't stay out there forever, though—you look like you haven't eaten in days. [maybe she hasn't. anna has no way of knowing.] We can look for her together, but if that doesn't work out, I can take you over to the Station and get you a hot meal and a place to rest. [there is genuine kindness flowing from her in a way that she didn't think herself capable of. maybe she was right when she'd said that she likes the way she is when she's with rose.] And then I'll come out and keep looking for her—promise.

[toteninsel]

[ Good sense would probably dictate that Ariane doesn't lean on a near-stranger's shoulder. But Anna's already learned so much about her in such a short time, and besides, what could Anna possibly do to her? How could Anna hurt her in any way that matters? It'll be easier to get down to the shoreline this way. ]

Something like that. [ Ariane says, in response to Anna's remark on how much she's eaten. Days comically understates things, and Ariane keeps smiling to herself, this time at her own private joke. ] I'll find her. I owe her that much.

[ Then, as silently as it came, Ariane's smile falls. ]

You don't have to promise me anything.

[hauntedsavior]

[anna looks at ariane like she's said something wrong, like she's done something to step over ariane's boundaries without knowing it. she's not the best at reading people, but she can tell something is different in the wake of that one word.]

Okay. I won't promise. But... you can't stop me from helping you out. [this feels only the slightest bit familiar; she tries disarming her with a smile as they walk towards the beach. it's good enough for anna that ariane's taking the physical assistance.] Can you tell me more about where you two are from? Could help with finding the right squid.

[toteninsel]

[ Ariane could absolutely, one hundred percent stop Anna, but she gets what Anna means. Instead, she relaxes, almost like a nonverbal thank you.

Anna's question is a broad one, and it forces Ariane to remember so much. Where she's from is not nearly as important as who Elster is, but it's a fair question to ask all the same. Ariane takes her time coming up with an answer, and Anna would be justified in wondering if Ariane even heard her at all. ]

The Eusan Nation. [ Ariane says, eventually. ] But we spent most of our time together in space, on a scouting mission. [ That's not quite right. Ariane spent far more time nowhere, burrowing deeper and deeper into her own mind, and dragging Elster down with her. But that's not a place, and it's not a where. ]

You don't need to worry. I'll know her before I see her.

[ She would know Elster as a squid. She would know Elster by her song, although that's not something Ariane feels the need to explain to Anna, for better or for worse. ]

[hauntedsavior]

[i could've said the same about you, she thinks loudly, but it doesn't make its way to her face. instead, she focuses on the first part, and not on how badly she wishes ariane were someone else right now.]

You were in space together? [the wonder in her voice isn't even feigned. she did like working at the science museum, even if she'd been high out of her mind for most of it. eusan flies over her head, but she figures space is so vast that there's probably just another planet out there that's just as inhabitable as earth.] What's it like out there? Other than... mind-bogglingly big.

[toteninsel]

[ Mind-bogglingly big is honestly a fairly good descriptor. It's something Ariane should have had in mind, especially when signing up for a scouting mission. But all she could think about was getting away. "Be careful what you wish for," as they say in the Imperial serials. ]

Empty.

[ Ariane doesn't even bother trying to hide the disgust creeping into her voice. ]

If there was something out there, we were never meant to know what.

[ THINGS HAVE LEARNT TO WALK THAT OUGHT TO CRAWL ]

[hauntedsavior]

[oh, cool. that's a regular thing for a person to say, and especially a person who has totally not been traumatized by her time in space. anna's a little dense, but she can put pieces together—ariane was out there in space with elster, and they scouted, and they found nothing. and they found so much nothing that ariane walked away from it knowing that humanity on the whole was only meant to know what it already knew. she's quiet, digesting it for a moment.]

[ariane's frailty next to her feels a little more pronounced, now that anna has a few more puzzle pieces to play around with.]

We gave up on things like space exploration about ten years ago, where I'm from. What was Eusan like? [that going into the endless void seemed preferable.]

[toteninsel]

[ There are things that Anna might notice, this close. Patches in her fine hair, missing teeth, wounds that have only just begun to heal. A level of focus that most people, let alone most people Ariane's age, don't tend to possess. Her breathing is heavier, like she's walked for miles instead of minutes, but stopping is out of the question. They're almost back to the sea. ]

Good.

[ What was Eusan like? Ariane tries to remember Rotfront, and instead remembers something ruined. ]

I was standing out in the cold, watching through beautiful, bulletproof glass as the people inside got warm. Do you know what that's like? [ Ariane's voice lilts inquisitively. She's genuinely asking. ] Would you try to be part of the whole, or would you give up?

[hauntedsavior]

[well. this hits a little closer to home. she's never really had a reason to pull herself out of her slump, to get over her anger at her family. not like this, the way she is now. the half of her body that isn't being used for support tightens up, her fist closing. she tries not to grit her teeth too badly when she speaks.]

I've been thrown to the other side of that window by the people who were supposed to love me. I left them all behind. [all of them; she can't let herself think about beth.] I started down my own path. Threw away everything they planned for me and went out into the unknown. Rose even came with me, for a bit. [until the fight.]

I don't know if that answers your question, but I think it gives me a good idea of what Eusan was really like for you. [she lets her hand open again as she squashes down the anger. now isn't the time. they're almost there, after all.] Sounds like going out into space could only have been an improvement.

[toteninsel]

[ If Anna listens closely, past the waves, there is the sound of a train, speeding along the tracks.

It sounds like Ariane has hit a nerve. She's unsure if that's a good or bad thing, or even if this is a good or bad conversation. She was never especially good at discerning that before, and she's even worse at it now. ]

It's not really unknown, is it, if someone you love goes with you? I'm glad you had her. I'm glad you left them behind.

[ Even after everything, Ariane doesn't regret leaving Rotfront.

Ariane says little else until thet reach the water. There, she slowly lowers herself to her knees and cups her hands underneath the waves. If that's supposed to do anything, she doesn't bother explaining it to Anna. ]

You did answer my question. I suppose I should say 'well done.' [ She smiles knowingly. ] Space wasn't the improvement. Elster was.

Would you like me to look for Rose? It seems unfair, otherwise.

[hauntedsavior]

[anna's fine with the quiet. she needs the time to think. to circle the thoughts around themselves in her own head and try in vain to untangle the gordian knot they always, always become. she doesn't say anything until they're there, and she gets down on her haunches into a squat next to ariane. it's not ladylike, but not much about anna is.]

[she watches her bathe her hands in the water and assumes it must be something important to her, but doesn't probe further. instead, she stays quiet, breathing and thinking and never doing anything but thinking, until ariane makes an offer. and she breathes out through her nose, and her lips draw into a flat line struggling to be a smile that she knows is too bitter for her to be wearing without explanation.]

She has a life of her own now that doesn't involve me. If she washed up here, she wouldn't want to know I'm here with her. She'd probably just want to go back home, to whatever new path the universe put her on. [and she gives a bitter laugh with the cadence of a cough.] Pathetic, right? I'm still in love with her and she hates the fucking sight of me.

[toteninsel]

[ Ariane's smile falls, replaced by a wistful sadness that her face wears easily. Out of everything she's been through, at least Ariane has been spared this: Elster never left her. Instead, Elster returned countless times. Far more than Ariane probably deserved. ]

I'm sorry.

[ Said like it's the most important thing in the world. ]

I don't think it's pathetic at all. You're still here, aren't you? You haven't come undone.

[ She turns back to the water, and there's something like shame creeping into her expression. ]

You didn't run. That's what kills, in the end, I think.

[hauntedsavior]

[and though it should be heartwarming, though it should be a comfort that this woman who looks so much like what rose has become is saying these things that make anna whole, she can't stop herself. the bitterness warms on her face to a full and quiet smile, then chills into that same shame on ariane's face as though it's the source and she is but the reflection.]

I didn't run from Rose. But when my family threw me to the other side of that bulletproof pane of glass, I left my sister behind. I ran from her. She loved me in her own way... and she doesn't deserve whatever it is I left her to deal with.

[she would rather the sea return beth to her, but she can't bear that possibility. instead, she studies the horizon and tries not to think to obsession. it's no use.]

Sorry if you got the idea I was a good person.