October Test Drive Meme!

[reddosmod]

OCTOBER 2022 TDM

Another month, another test drive meme! Our test drive memes are open to anyone interested - regardless of whether or not you join our game!

All Test Drive Memes are game canon. Players can choose to keep their TDM threads canon or not. TDM threads can be used for AC and can be used as your writing sample for your application.

Our TDMs serve as a way to build into the actual lore and worldbuilding of Deer Country and we strongly encourage everyone to enjoy and participate! Current players are always welcome to pull prompts from the TDM to reference on the Network or bring into logs as well as tag out to new characters top-leveling on the TDM itself.

Characters will always be able to actively die during TDMs as this is an extremely dangerous world. You can still have this be game canon! Check out how character death in Deer Country works here.

If you have any questions about the TDM, please ask down below!

IMAGE DESCRIPTORS IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE
Prompt One
[Image One: A snowy, rocky beach in winter. ]
[Image Two: Bowls of mushroom soup and bread. ]

Prompt Two
[Image One: Dali painting of the moon as a city]
[Image Two: Twisted, warped cityscape]

Prompt Three
[Image One: Monster choking a sleeping person to death]
[Image Two: Death hovering over a sleeping person]

BONUS PROMPT
[Image One: Liminal Space image of a nondescript room with strange ledges]
[Image Two: Cenobite woman with borg-like attachments to her face]

[NAVIGATION]

TDM Questions • Reserves • Taken • Applications • Full Navigation

[Jump to Comments]

STANDARD ARRIVAL

WHEN: First Week of NOvember
WHERE: The Farther Shores/The Boardwalk, Koz's Orphanage
CONTENT WARNINGS: N/A

---

You're one of the lucky ones. Your journey is smooth sailing and you wind up exactly where you're supposed to: on the Farther Shores. You grow out of your squid body without a hitch, either with the help of another Sleeper or one of the Wakers, and you get to discover this new world. All new Sleepers might take some time to find their bearings. It might be tricky to remember how to use your body parts the way you're supposed to. You might stumble around the beach or forget how to talk - but don't worry! It'll come back to you sooner or later.

Hopefully, you've found something to wear, either in your Welcoming Bag or otherwise, and can start familiarizing yourself with your surroundings. Maybe you help some other squids out on the beach. Waking up sucks! You feel for the little guys. And hey, maybe you're hoping one of those squids is a good friend...Stranger things have happened.

SEASONAL DETAILS ON THE BOARDWALK
This is not the greatest month to wash up on the Farther Shores. It's November and you'll pretty much immediately hate it! The waters are frigid but not quite frozen yet, but that won't make your arrival any less uncomfortable. Thankfully the Boardwalk seems well-stocked with heavy blankets and furs to give to newly awakened Sleepers. Barrels of hot chocolate and hot alcoholic cider are readily available to warm people up. There are several stalls selling hearty soups willed with mushrooms, potatoes, beans, and other filling components.

Fresh baked bread and pastries are sold on wax paper. Enjoy a steaming cinnamon roll or croissant or just your standard bread and butter. Many bakers have set up temporary stoves and seem to invite teaching Sleepers how to cook and prepare bread and pastries. Maybe knead some dough, learn some tricks of the trade. If you help out ab baker, they might even thank you with a sack of flour or other ingredients for bread!

Like last year, as the Moon shifts to Bone, whispers and hushed talk begins anew among the Trenchies about The Tower. There are whispers that something feels wrong. "You know Trench is his body, right?" one might say. "But look at what's been happening. Is everything alright?" There is nervousness, agitation. Trenchies can't seem to put a finger on it. One of the old fishermen mutters under his or her breath if overheard in this time. "Long time since we tried to leave the Tower's shield. Hope didn't bring anything back from out there. World's a strange place."

None of them seem to have anything specific to add. They just seem nervous for some reason.

[JUMP TO TOP] • [JUMP TO COMMENTS]

IMAGE OF THE SELF

WHEN: Halloween through all November
WHERE: All of Trench
CONTENT WARNINGS: Distorted Reality, horrifying cityscape images, mounting paranoia, displacement

---

"They say that Trench is the body of the Tower." It is a saying so often repeated during the Bone Moon season that it becomes more of a mantra. Whether or not it is actually true remains a hotly contested debate between Arcane Scholars and Disciples, one of the few times that neither side fully agrees even with themselves. Yet, if it is true, what happens if the person whose body serves as a city begins to have an identity crisis of sorts? That certainly seems to be the case this month.

At random times, it just happens. You're walking from one place to another with your friend. You just stepped out of a lantern network teleportation circle. You open a door. Suddenly, everything is just wrong. It feels like you are in a surrealist's nightmare. Walls appear to be bleeding concrete in all directions. Stairwells twist impossibly, as if M. C. Escher himself were the architect. The pathway to where you intended to go warps and transforms itself into a perilous, twisted monstrosity that you have to navigate. Worse? The way you got here is just gone behind you, leaving you only the path forward.

Navigating this isn't impossible, but you will definitely need help. It might be that one has to stand on another's shoulders to get over an obstacle and then help them up. Maybe someone very small has to crawl into an opening to reach the door handle so the way through can be found. It varies, and the effect lasts only as long as it takes to get where you're going, but while you're here the reality continues to shift and some of these twistings could easily crush you! Don't tarry too long!

NOTE: The physical danger here is from environmental hazards. Feel free to choose any you like, but they will all return to normal when your character reaches their intended destination. Trenchies know nothing about this, though if one asks one of the former wastes, they will ward themselves as if against evil. They know something, but they dare not speak and will whisper hurriedly that the sleeper had best not talk too openly about this. "Best not to draw attention right now."

[JUMP TO TOP] • [JUMP TO COMMENTS]

A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP

WHEN: Last Week of October through the first week of November
WHERE: At Home, in your bed
CONTENT WARNINGS: Severe Insomnia, Sleep Deprivation, Deprivation induced hallucinations and mood swings

---

Something is clawing at your mind from the moment that the first signs of the cold coming. You can't put your finger on it, but even as you see the people of Trench preparing for the next month's arrival of sleepers, you can see they feel it too. Something claws at the mind and for a few people in Trench, this becomes a very literal problem. The thoughts are so overwhelming that you can't manage to find a good night's sleep. This problem is especially prominent for new Sleepers, who seem prone to arriving with terrible bouts of unexplainable insomnia.

That sounds simple enough to deal with, right? Perhaps some sort of sleep aid, or working oneself to exhaustion, and you can power through it, right? No. Nothing seems to work at first. Searches for a monster are futile. Warding and incense seem utterly ineffective, and no matter how hard you try, night after night you cannot sleep. You are terrified of falling asleep. If you fall asleep, you may never wake up! Even characters who do not fear a mortal death feel themselves compelled by this, and the longer that they do not sleep the more corruption risks them at its door. A night or two missed is one thing, but eventually irascibility sets in. Hallucinations may eventually start to crop up. The body needs REM sleep. It needs dreams, yet the horror that threatens the person will not allow them to sleep, for fear that it will come for them while they sleep. What 'it' is, they do not know.

There is only one solution. For those who already spend time with others? This is a simple thing, but they must still agree to do it. You can solve this curse only if you do not sleep alone. Another must stay awake for the vigil through the whole night. Simple enough given their insomnia, but they will be assailed by their own horrific lack of slumber. Only, after you have had a good night's sleep, be sure to care for the other who was so kind to you. Why? Because anyone so unkind as to not help their erstwhile companion sleep after they have finally gotten rest will find out that those fears were not unfounded and the next time they sleep, they really do not wake up!

Death, in this rare case, comes in the form of a heart attack. Its source is unknown, and all that the sleeper will remember is the worst nightmare of their life as they lay in bed, dying in soundless screams. So, be sure to take care of each other, sleepers!

[JUMP TO TOP] • [JUMP TO COMMENTS]

THE VEINS OF THE TOWER

WHEN: November 1st (And only November 1st)
WHERE: Beginning anywhere, ending in A Nightmarish Place
CONTENT WARNINGS: Liminal Space, Disorientation, Hints of horrible monsters, Possible Death, Insane Zealotry, Mutilated Bodies

---

Rumors have lingered since the first encounters two months ago of a 'space between spaces' that people could accidentally fall into that this occurrence has not been entirely limited to the month it first happened in. Every once in a while, on unusual days, it has happened since that time. There appears to be little rhyme or reason to it, but it has happened again. Maybe you took an accidental step backwards. Or maybe you were crazy enough to have identified some spot you disappeared before and you were actually experimenting with the effect every day to see when it happened. You know, to chronicle the dates it happen, to keep a record, to understand it better, all of those sorts of things that cause some sleepers to poke things that are Better Left Alone because that's what some sleepers do with their free time, and then they touch the spot with something and suddenly they and everything around them are sucked in. How you got there is not important. You're here now, wherever here is.

Only this time its different. You're not in the spot you were last time, and in the distance you can hear shuffling of feet. Dread enters your heart, as you know that you do not have the means to fight whatever it is. You have an overwhelming urge to run, to flee at top speed. You and whoever is "lucky" enough to be with you must run as fast as you can, around corners, a roaring, inhuman scream echoing through the hallways, slamming into walls. You can't quite see it, not unless you want a swift, awful death at least. But around a corner there is salvation, an elevator shaft and the door is open. Frantic scrambling, running and jabbing buttons will cause the doors to close, just as something black like a giant hand grabs the far wall. You hear the rush, the scream. The elevator shudders three times as something pounds on it, but you're safe. Or, are you?

Instead of the usual moldy hallways, you see what looks like a hospital hallway. Anyone who lived through the nightmare may have awful flashbacks, but nothing is chasing you this time. The impossibly stretching hallway seems ceaselessly unchanging, each door locked, at least until you happen to notice a grate on one of the overhead air conditioners open wide. If you are curious enough to crawl up and into it, you're treated to a long scramble through the passageway, right up until you hear voices, menacing ones in the distance. Crawl quietly!

A grate emanating ugly, light is up ahead. As you and your companion work your way over, you're hopefully not heard. Through the grate, you see something awful. Two mutilated and disfigured figures speak while a third, calm and ordered looking woman listens. She seems to have mutilated her throat such that she should not be able to speak, and the other two appear have performed torturous experiments on their own flesh, their twisted visages that of the 'Zealots' that the Sleepers sometimes whisper about in fear. "It is almost time for the harvest. We made the quotas last cycle but only barely. The need is greater. Sacrifices must be made," one hisses. The other nods vigorously. "Yes. The situation is decaying. We have to move to stop this before it gets out of hand."

Before they can say more, however, the third woman looks up, directly at the grate. She smiles once, and a voice echoes from her throat as what appears to be a mouth inside of it moves, her own lips unmoving. "Continue this discussion later. It seems the problem has worsened. We will need to step up security in the meantime." She reaches out a hand and wrenches. The air shimmers around them and suddenly the duct you are traveling in collapses and breaks beneath you. Instead of falling into the farm, however, you find yourself falling through darkness for what seems an eternity, until you collapse hard to the pavement, in front of the entrance to the Gate, your breath coming back to you slowly, shakily.

NOTES: Death is possible should a sleeper assault the first creature. It is a being of impossible angles and blackness, is itself unkillable and will rend its victims to oblivion through brute force. Fighting the Zealots is not possible through this prompt. The grate cannot be opened in time to exit into the Sleeper Farm and engage them. However, the astute will be certain that there was for a moment an actual entry through and into the Sleeper Farm, somehow. Those familiar with these locations will recognize them as being Floor 1, the Stalls

[JUMP TO TOP]

CODING

Comments

[threesecrets]

Didn't think I'd see you here.

[Ronan says it almost before he can help himself. But he shrugs his shoulders, arms crossed across his chest like that'll make him any warmer against the chill of the air. The discomfort should be enough to make it impossible to feel vulnerable about his naked body, but he's finding that it's impossible to not be aware of how naked he is when he's this close to Kavinsky. But it's at least cold enough to keep his body from potentially reacting in ways that Ronan would have found mortifying, and that Kavinsky would never have let him live down.

He doesn't say that it's been longer than weeks since Ronan had seen him last. But Ronan knows better than most that time isn't the clear line that most people think it is. Especially not when you add dreamers and dying into the picture. Maybe Kavinsky had dreamt him; it felt as plausible as anything else. This place feels like whatever's under the dreaming, like anything's possible.

But Kavinsky stops and holds out his jacket without a word about it, and Ronan takes it, sliding his arms in and zipping it against the cold. He wraps himself in it and burrows a little bit into the fabric, which just makes it easier to breathe in the scent of Kavinsky, and it tugs at his heart in a way that makes the world feel a little unsteady. He doesn't say thank you, but there's something in the look that he shoots the other boy.

Ronan knows that he doesn't deserve the kindness, and yet K gives it to him anyway. But he supposes that he always has, hasn't he? Ronan was just too oblivious, too self-centered, too lost in his own horror show to recognize the kindness for what it was. The racing, the parties, the bonfires... Kavinsky talks about getting his own house, and he doesn't quite know if the idea being alone here like he was at the Barns felt like a comfort or like loneliness.]

This place seems a bit lowkey for you. Doesn't exactly seem like the place for bonfires and substance parties.

[He's teasing him, mostly. But he also means it, it's as much a way of asking how he's holding up here as Ronan knows how to ask.]

[burnyoudown]

[He almost laughed, because Ronan with the jacket and nothing else was also a ridiculous sight, but he was enjoying seeing Ronan in his clothes too much. It made him feel- fuck, he didn't know how to put a word to it. It made him feel a certain way, though. Sort of like he wanted to kiss Ronan but also like he wanted to wrap him in his arms and hold him forever. He supposed he could do both at the same time, but he shouldn't. He shouldn't because Ronan had brushed him off before. And yet it didn't make him stop wanting him.]

Yeah, no kidding. I've already been working on getting in touch with people about alcohol and pyrotechnics.

[Because of course, he had. It'd been one of the first things he'd done after arriving. It was a shame there was no real place to street race, though, especially since he had his car. It'd mostly been just sitting and gathering dust since he'd gotten here.]

There's a club not too far from where I live, though. It's not a bad place.

[Nothing here was the same as Henrietta, of course, but he was learning to make do with what he had. Even with his freaky lamp friends, which had become considerably less creepy after he'd given them clothes. They liked being dressed up, and they accepted literally anything.]

It's been- [Lonely.] -does it make me a dick if I say I'm glad you're here?

[threesecrets]

[Ronan knew that he had to look ridiculous, and there was also something about the fact that he was completely naked under the other boy's hoodie that made him feel-- fuck, he didn't know. But it made him feel something and he guessed that was bad enough. He wasn't as blind as he'd been back in the dreamfield- he'd started to see the things that he wanted, and had even been able to admit to himself that Kavinsky had been one of them, even if he'd never had the words to say it.

It was a more complicated thing like this, though, when Kavinsky was here and breathing next to him, more real than the memory that Ronan's been trying to make peace with ever since that summer. That made this both more difficult and less- because you couldn't really ever make peace with a memory. But the boy next to him? Maybe. Maybe.]

--I'll help you if you want. I mean, I owe you, right? Pyrotechnics. Something that explodes.

[Something like you, he thinks to himself. Because what was there more dangerous and explosive than Joseph Kavinsky? Ronan's expression is complicated, ashamed and guilty, but longing and a little bit hopeful. He almost wants to hit something, wants to throw himself back into the ocean with how the emotions feel as they curl in his chest. He wasn't going to lie to him, pretend that things hadn't happened like they had. But it was- Ronan wanted something different, he wanted things to be different.

Something about this place, or maybe just something about dying, made him feel like it was possible. But he sneaks a glance over at Kavinsky, his blue eyes a little softer than he ever would have allowed himself that summer. But things had changed, and Ronan had let himself change with them. There had been a boy that he liked, and he'd been willing to act on it, even if he was still just as much a mess at saying it. But the idea of liking another boy wasn't as terrifying as it had been back then.]

Nah, it doesn't make you a dick. I'm- glad you're here, too. I don't fucking know what I'd have done if I was here alone.

[burnyoudown]

[When Kavinsky swallowed, there was a lump in his throat. He wanted to tell Ronan that he absolutely did owe him, after how shit had gone down, but he thought- he'd had time to reflect and maybe a lot of it had been his own fault. He'd pushed too hard, too fast, expected too much from the other boy after the time they'd spent together in the dream field.]

You don't owe me shit.

[His voice was a little rough, a little unsteady.]

But I'll take the help.

[Ronan was glad he was here. Ronan was glad to see him. Him, of all people. He didn't know what had brought Ronan to this moment but something bad must've happened.]

Well, you wouldn't have done what I did.

[After all, no one had measured Ronan's dick yet. And he hadn't nearly gotten into a fist fight with an orphan child. 'Course, there was still time for both of those things.]

Does this mean you wanna be friends?

[Friends, for real. Friends who didn't kidnap the other's brother. Friends who didn't tell one of them 'you're not good enough'. It was a loaded question, but he did his best to make it sound casual.]

[threesecrets]

Maybe I want to make it up to you anyway.

[Ronan scuffs one of his feet against the sandy beach, his own voice a little bit unsteady. He can't look him in the eyes when he says it, can't carry the weight of the sentiment. But while Kavinsky had time to consider that maybe he'd pushed too hard, Ronan hadn't been able to escape the thought that he'd been cruel and self-centered and that Kavinsky hadn't fucking deserved the way that he treated him.

But he doesn't know how to say those feelings outloud, so he just shrugs his shoulders a little.]

I mean, I want to help. You never disappoint with this shit.

[There's a beat there where Ronan almost asks what he'd gotten up to when he'd been here on his own. But, it's Kavinsky- Ronan supposes he doesn't really need to know the specifics to imagine the flavor of it. They were both sharp disasters, neither of them the sort that really dealt well with loneliness, let alone admitting that's what they were feeling.

But then K asks if he wants to be friends, and Ronan pauses, turning towards him, and he hesitates for a moment.]

We always were. I was just a shitty friend. I'm an asshole, so I took it out on you.

[Problem: Ronan wants to hug Kavinsky. Bigger problem: Ronan is only wearing the other boy's hoodie, which is only barely long enough to hide his dick. So he compromises, wrapping a hand around the back of K's neck, and pulling him forward so that he can rest their foreheads together. Intimacy without the potential embarrassment.]

I'm still an asshole. But- I went to those parties for you, K.

[He means: I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.]

[burnyoudown]

[Kavinsky paused, considering that. He wouldn't say no to that. He could never say no to Ronan; he cared about him too fucking much. Maybe that made him a desperate loser, but he was already both of those things, wasn't he?]

Okay.

[He shrugged a shoulder when Ronan said he never disappointed with his parties. It was easy to think of all the ways he did disappoint people, but he wasn't about to start digging into that right now. This wasn't a feelings session or whatever, this was him, trying to mend the bridge he'd burned with Ronan. Before, he'd thought there weren't enough buckets to put out the flames, but now- now he was thinking maybe Ronan was actually going to give him a chance.]

We-

[He stopped, inhaling sharply when Ronan touched him, pulled him in to lean their foreheads together. It was sweet and intimate and fuck, but Kavinsky wanted to kiss him. Even if Ronan had just admitted he'd made Kavinsky his punching bag, more or less. It could be forgiven.]

You did? [It came out more vulnerable than he'd intended, accompanied by a fluttering of his dark lashes against his cheeks. If there was anyone who could make him feel vulnerable and cracked open--not even in a bad way--it was Ronan Lynch.

He huffed out a soft laugh.]

You're a mess. But so am I.

[Slowly, he raised his hands to rest them on Ronan's shoulders, for the sake of touching him.]

I forgive you. If you forgive me for all the shit I fucked up, too.

[Kidnapping his brother, dreaming the dragon- everything before that, too. They had another chance here and fuck everything else; Kavinsky was going to take this one in both hands and never let go.]

[threesecrets]

Yeah. I mean, I told myself it was the racing and the alcohol and because I needed someplace where I could be myself without Gansey looking at me like a fucking kicked puppy, but--

[He trails off, and his kneejerk reaction is still to pull away, but he doesn't, he just curls his fingers a little bit tighter against the back of his neck. Ronan has gotten better than always giving into his kneejerk reaction. Like he said, he's still an asshole, but he tries now, at least. If nothing else, he knows just how exquisite the hurt of losing Kavinsky is, and it had been easier to admit alone at the barns, in the lonely hours of the night.]

Yeah, I forgive you too. I wanna- do this thing better. For both of us.

[He does not say that he wants them to be friends, however tempting the idea is to lean back into old cowardice. But instead he distinctly leaves the shape of it open, nebulous. Which maybe had always been part of the problem, but for the moment, Ronan just wants-- he's trying to be honest. Give them the space to figure this shit out.

This close, he can't help staring at Kavinsky's eyes and his heartbeat skips in his chest. He wants to kiss him, but on the other hand it feels unfair, like he'd be taking advantage of his feelings when Ronan still isn't as certain in his own. But he knows he wants something and that he wants Kavinsky in it. It feels like trying to skip all the burnt bridges and the hurts and the things he ought to say sorry for.

So he doesn't. But he still wants it.]

C'mon. If we're gonna have a moment, I'd prefer doing it with pants on.

[burnyoudown]

[Kavinsky exhaled slowly. It felt like everything in his life had been shifted slightly to the left and nothing was where he expected it to be. He managed not to say fuck Gansey at least. He was probably as disdainful of Gansey as Gansey was about him, and the idea that he kept Ronan on a short leash or whatever the fuck- sure, Kavinsky wanted to put a collar on Ronan himself, sometimes, but it was completely different. He didn't want to control Ronan; he wanted to set him free, help him reach his potential.

He also wanted to be wrapped up in his arms. And get off this frigid fuckin' beach. And maybe just get off, in general.

And Ronan wanted to do this thing better. What was the thing in question? Was he implying there was a chance at something more than friends? Kavinsky was trying not to get his hopes up, but it was one of the things he did best.]

I want to do this better, too.

[Whatever this was. He guessed they could figure it out together. That would be alright. He thought he could handle anything with Ronan at his side.

And then he snorted out a laugh.]

I hope you like blankets and fur and robes and shit. It took me a while to get actual pants when I got here.

[But he knew they offered blankets and packs for the new squid people, and it was definitely warmer than walking around mostly naked, especially when it was cold out.]

[threesecrets]

[Ronan notices, of course, when Kavinsky doesn't give any more shape to this thing between them than Ronan had. He hopes quietly that Kavinsky still wanted him, was willing to put up with Ronan's bullshit and black moods and weather his stormclouds to figure it out. That he still thought Ronan was worth it.

He's a little bit distracted for a moment, watching Kavinsky's eyelashes, raven black against his pale skin, and they're close enough he can almost imagine the touch of them against his cheek -- butterfly kisses, Aurora had called them, when he'd been a child. And then Kavinsky is talking about blankets and furs and stuff, and Ronan looks at him with a lopsided grin, a slight tilt of his head.]

I dunno, man. I guess that stuff is alright if there's a bed involved.

[The idea of curling up with Kavinsky in a giant bed with blankets and furs to ward off the heat and a notable component of body heat-- well it certainly didn't sound bad. He lets his gaze linger on Kavinsky as he says it, waits to make sure that he catches the weight of it. That yes, Ronan is flirting with him, unashamed and uninhibited. Like he's made peace with at least most of his desires.]

[burnyoudown]

[Sharp in more ways than one, Kavinsky immediately picked up on the reference. And, there went his hopes again, soaring to the sky. Did that mean, specifically with Kavinsky? He almost wanted to tell Ronan not to fuck around- but after everything that'd happened between them, he didn't think he was fucking around.]

Well, hell man. I've definitely got blankets of my own. Might even have some furs somewhere. Bed's big enough for two.

[More than big enough, absurdly big enough.

He was trying not to get too wrapped up in what this could mean, but it was easy to let himself imagine a life with Ronan. Even just a day or a night curled up in bed together. He'd been imagining a life with Ronan for months before everything had gone to shit. It hadn't been enough to make him stop. And now Ronan was here, looking at him like- like he wanted to make something of this. And fuck, but the urge to kiss him returned.]

[threesecrets]

Well, if you don't mind sharing... I could certainly use the warmth after this.

[Ronan smiles at him, a little flushed, his face warm despite the cold. He means it, God, he means it. He'd wanted Kavinsky before, dreamt about him, even in the dreamfield there had been those feelings, like he'd break apart under how he touched him. He'd wanted him, he just hadn't known how to want him, how to feel like he was allowed to. He'd never kissed a boy before back then, and it had felt like such a big thing, like it would make him even worse, even more shameful of a creature.

He didn't believe that anymore.

Ronan leans in closer, so they're less forehead to forehead, and more cheek to cheek. As close as he can manage without kissing him.]

I wanna kiss you. But, I think that's my raven over there, so-- lemme grab her and then you can take me back and I can kiss you and maybe you can warm me up, yeah?

[Maybe Ronan owed him an explanation, telling him that he'd always wanted him and he'd just always been shit at expressing it or even acknowledging it. That he'd been too caught up in his own issues and self-hatred to just accept that he could like a boy that liked him and that it could be alright. That it wasn't K's fault, even if Kavinsky had handled things with all the grace of a freight train. In hindsight it was easy to see how desperately he'd been begging Ronan to just pay attention to him.]

[burnyoudown]

Why the hell would I mind sharing?

[Especially with Ronan. He hadn't even invited a single soul to his house yet, true, but Ronan would always be welcome. It wasn't even that Kavinsky didn't want people to see his house, or be in it, it was more like- who would he invite? He had a few people he'd consider friends, but they mostly also didn't seem like the types to sit around and get drunk or high or something.

And then Ronan said he wanted to kiss him and Kavinsky's entire world narrowed down to him. Fuck the cold, fuck everything else. There was just Ronan's skin on his, his hands on him, the fact he'd just said I wanna kiss you. It was more than Kavinsky could have hoped for so soon. It gave shape to the thing Ronan wanted to make better, and it was a beautiful shape.]

Fuck that.

[He mumbled, hooking a hand around the back of Ronan's neck, like Ronan was going to go somewhere in the span of the next breath. Then, Kavinsky kissed him, firm and confident, but sweet, too. A sort of sweetness that most people probably didn't expect from him.

If Ronan had time to say he wanted to kiss him, he had time to actually kiss him before getting his--had he said raven?]

[threesecrets]

[Ronan's just trying to not make assumptions. He knows that he'd been a dick before, and he wants to make it up to him, but he also would have understood it if Kavinsky wanted space and time. If as much as Ronan wants the other boy in his arms, wants to do everything that he can to viscerally wipe away the hurt, he'd also understand if it took Kavinsky a little bit to warm up to him, to trust that Ronan wouldn't push him away again.

But he laughs, mirthful and warm, when the other boy says fuck that hooking a hand around the back of his neck, ensuring that the other dreamer wasn't going to pull away. And then Kavinsky kissed him, and Ronan murmured- it was firm and confident, but sweet too, and Ronan kisses him back without hesitation. Maybe not quite so confident, given that he has less experience. But there's a clear assurance that this is what he wants, and that he's comfortable with that. There's a softness to it as well as a heat, desire in how Ronan kisses the other boy. Because fuck, but he's dreamed about this, dreamed about more, too.

And now here they are, and yeah, Ronan is wearing fuckall except for Kavinsky's hoodie, with his ass half-exposed and his dick hardly contained behind the fabric, but for the moment he doesn't fucking care. Because they're here, together, and Kavinsky is kissing him and Ronan is kissing him back, and there's no one here to give a damn about the fact that he wants this boy. He did still want, and care about Adam Parrish, but- he was alive, and Ronan wasn't.

And Kavinsky was right here. He's breathless when they part, and he catches Kavinsky's face between his hands and kisses him again, brief but sweet, a murmur as he leans into him.]

C'mon. If we don't get out of here now, I'm gonna get distracted.

[By Kavinsky, he meant. Because it was too easy to just fall into him, into trying to show him all the things that he hadn't known how when they'd both been alive.]