December 2021 Test Drive Meme

[reddosmod]

DECEMBER 2021 TDM

Another month, another test drive meme! Our test drive memes are open to anyone interested - regardless of whether or not you join our game!

All Test Drive Memes are game canon. Players can choose to keep their TDM threads canon or not. TDM threads can be used for AC and can be used as your writing sample for your application.

Our TDMs serve as a way to build into the actual lore and worldbuilding of Deer Country and we strongly encourage everyone to enjoy and participate! Current players are always welcome to pull prompts from the TDM to reference on the Network or bring into logs as well as tag out to new characters top-leveling on the TDM itself.

Characters will always be able to actively die during TDMs as this is an extremely dangerous world. You can still have this be game canon! Check out how character death in Deer Country works here.

If you have any questions about the TDM, please ask down below!

IMAGE DESCRIPTORS IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE
Prompt One
[Image One: A cat skidding across a frozen lake.]
[Image Two: A man carving ice sculptures]

Prompt Two
[Image One: A woman laughing as she plays with many tentacles.]
[Image Two: A naked girl in a fetal position under water.]

Prompt Three
[Image One: A cold limp hand in bloodied snow.]
[Image Two: Jack Nicholson slamming an axe into a door in The Shining.]

[NAVIGATION]

TDM Questions • Reserves • Taken • Applications • Full Navigation

[Jump to Comments]

SEMI-STANDARD ARRIVAL

WHEN: End of December, early January
WHERE: The Farther Shores/The Boardwalk
CONTENT WARNINGS: Similar warnings from November's TDM. Drowning, freezing to death, trapped under ice, hypothermia, frost bite.

---

Arriving in December has most of the same from the November Arrival. One difference is that the beach itself has completely frozen over, making it a slick black ice skating range. And that's exactly how Wakers treat it. You can rent skates and sleds. People have taken to the beach to have fun as well as help Sleepers out. Learn how to ice skate and help your fellow Sleepers! Win-Win!

Tents are filled with furs and warmth. Someone is giving out hot soup and hot chocolate to those just arriving. You can find plenty of hot bread rolls. Local seamstresses have gathered and are giving out thick wool cloaks with unique designs. You can find thick fur ushankas, gloves, and scarves. There are coldblood stone snaps as they call them where two small coldblood stones are hooked together so you can make a snapping noise that generates a small spark of flame that's hard to blow out.

Along the Boardwalk are magnificent ice sculptures of various intricate creatures: humans, animals, monsters, Pthumerians and other things. Some Watchers are in the process of working on new mounds of ice and are willing to teach anyone interested in the art of ice sculptures.

CH-CH-CH-CHANGES

WHEN: End of December to mid January
WHERE: The Pthumerian Ocean and the Farther Shores
CONTENT WARNINGS: possible drowning, injury, hypothermia, giant friendly tentacles, confinement in a goo egg, nudity/exhibition, body horror of varying degrees

---

A new year is upon us and the winds of change can drive rough and tumultuous waters, now filled with big chunks of ice. Some incoming sleepers will be facing more obstacles of ice, cold and wayward currents that can take them off course and delay their arrival on the shores. But many are in luck as the massive tentacles of a benevolent beast from the deep can be seen rising from the waves on the horizon as it collects as many sleepers as it can who have begun to shift from their squid form before they are safely out of the choppy waters and onto the ice covered beach.

The tentacled behemoth will wrap new sleepers up in a protective, transluscent and spherical fish or squid egg filled with a gooey liquid to help further suspend and cushion them on their journey to shore. However, this protective egg is a toss of the coin in how helpful it can be. Merely by chance, a sleeper may find themselves in either a red or blue tinted egg that they wil likely need help getting out of, and quickly, seeing as the warm goo that is cushioning them doesn't exactly provide air for those who require it.

A Red egg will provide extended magical warmth even when a sleeper exits it into the cold, they will feel as though they are stepping into a heated room and wearing comfortable warm clothes, even if they are naked. Wakers who assist someone getting out of a red egg and who are splashed with the gooey contents will also feel this effect, and if they are clothed they may feel... overheated and overcome with the strong compulsion to get their clothes off.

A Blue egg is not so helpful, if a sleeper finds themselves in this egg, they will start to transform back into their squid form, even if their mind is continuing to reform and remember themselves. They can regress all the way back into a squid or be unfortunate enough to get trapped in a grotesque halfway fusion of squid and their regular form, but either way their mind will still be normal and somehow some will be able to speak. Just like a red egg, this can happen to Wakers who come in contact with the blue egg's goo. This effect can last for an hour or longer depending on player preference.

Characters who attempt to make their way out to sea to make contact with the tentacled monster will never seem to be able to reach it to see what it looks like. The waters will become darker and colder, and more tumultuous the farther they go either by boat or swimming (why you're swimming is beyond literally everyone else, but you do you). Chances of ending up in the freezing water and dying by drowning or freezing to death are extremely high if this attempt is made, and locals will advise against it if asked.

BABY IT'S COLD OUTSIDE

WHEN: Late December to mid January.
WHERE: All over Trench
CONTENT WARNINGS: Surreal/existential horror, out of body experience, temporary memory loss and fugue, imprisonment, frozen death, blood, possible insanity and violence, monster/creature leech

---

All throughout Trench there's a phenomena of bloody snow piling high in whole districts within minutes and snowing people into their homes or whatever building they happened to be in at the time, even a tent on the boardwalk can be covered. Most of the blood is a stark red, but other blood type colors can be found in large or small swaths here and there. At first it seems like an inconvenience that you can either wait out with whomever you've found yourself snowed in with or dig your way out of, but the blood in the snow is thick and heavy and pressing in against the walls and windows and if you choose to try and dig, the influence of blood in the air will hit you hard and the ill effects will come on fast and halt you in your efforts...

Soon, the rooms appear to warp, minds become foggy as what appears to be an illusion or a reality warping takes hold, no longer does the room look like your home or the store you were browsing, and you can't quite remember what it was before or why you were there. The roof over your head is different, and the slow motion of the fan causes the cracks in the plaster to show shadows in ways that just don't match your memories. It is strange, but as you walk through the new space, you do not feel in danger. Something is just not quite right.

You recognize the furnishings but you can't place when you bought them. It looks like a hotel room and this is a suite for two. How long have you lived in this place? The door of the kitchen or perhaps the pantry opens, and someone else emerges with the same look of vague confusion there. You recognize them, but not quite. Their name is on the tip of your tongue until they speak. Do you know each other? Yes, you do. This is your house, right? Weren't you just standing there together not long ago...?

It must be your home: Some Sleepers, for one reason or another, might accept the surreal experience as the new reality even as they grow weaker and ...thinner? Their life feels impermanent, almost like you could peel the wallpaper away to find something entirely different underneath. But it isn't a bad life. It's simple, comfortable, food is always magically available somewhere when they need it and the people they are with are family, are they not? You're pretty sure that's what you remember. The scope of the vision grows, somehow you find yourself in the bar of this hotel where a bartender stands waiting. He doesn't feel quite real, but he'll happily chat over a cocktail 'on the house' with guests, who he assures have always been there.

But some Sleepers find themselves rejecting this vision, as comfortable as it is, it's still wrong. This isn't their home. This feeling everything should be fine is a lie. Everything is wrong, and at a certain point, they snap. The idea of sleeping a night in this place is just too much and the moment that their mind refuses this reality completely, it is replaced by a singular urge: to destroy this lie entirely. Paranoia and a frantic instability overtakes them and they find whatever weapon they can to start breaking everything in sight, even attacking their fellow Sleepers and hunting them through the shifting little hotel spaces that seem to move around them rather then them moving within it.

Violent Sleepers can be subdued and reasoned with, but it may be difficult. Powers are also dampened, though not gone, if Sleepers can remember that they have them at all. All sleepers, docile and violent will start to weaken to the point where they collapse and they will eventually die, but if they are lucky enough to pull themselves and/or each other out of it, they'll be able to see clearly that it's the bartender that they should attack. Once they do, there will be a screech and the illusion/reality alteration will falter and the bartender's true form is glimpsed.

Once the creature is wounded sufficiently, Sleepers will find that there is a fleshy pulsating rope attached to the base of their skull as the creature was feeding on their hopes and dreams of the future, keeping them in a state of complacency, confusion and conflict. The only way out of this is by attacking the bartender or death.

CODING

Comments

[azurestar]

[Lance watches as Keith moves that knife in his hand and gears himself up to take the plunge. Or is he deciding if he wants to try making fire, Lance can't really tell much beyond the general uncertainty.

And then that bead of ice blue blood appears and he lets out a soft breath, but then blinks in some surprise when Keith's reaction is to shove it in his mouth. Well, okay, that's actually a pretty normal reaction to a bleeding cut on one's finger, it's just not one he ever pictured Keith having for some reason.

It's weird to think that even after all they've been through, there's still little things like this that surprise him. And that reflection has his emotion box cracking and sending a vice to clamp on his heart. He looks away quickly with a grimace and teeth clenched so tight that there's a fluttering muscle in the side of his cheek.

Get it together Lance, Keith's clearly grappling with the same thing they've all grappled with and you should know how to help. But he doesn't, he doesn't know, and he's not sure how much more of this he can take. His voice is a bit hoarse as he forces himself to speak but he tries to sound normal.]

We've… all been there, man. You're not alone. Also… that's uh, that's gonna turn to ice in your mouth in like two seconds.

[And it might get stuck to his tongue or something. At least it's not a metal pole in winter.]

[tempredmental]

[The ice comment was horribly, or really well, timed, because that's exactly what happened. Keith sputtered for a second, then spit out a piece of ice with a startled look.]

What the hell? [He stared at his finger again, forcing himself to watch as another drip fell off and hit the steps with the distinct click similar to the sound of hail.

He pressed it against the robe draped over his leg this time to at least get some pressure on it to make it stop, and then shuddered before putting his head on his other hand, the knife hanging loosely from those fingers. He closed his eyes again, just needing to block out at least one form of sensory input to help process this.]

Okay, so... what does that mean?

[azurestar]

[Lance gets a funny look on his face.]

Uh… that you're a coldblood, obviously. The ice wasn't a big enough clue?

[Come on Keith, it's right in the name he told you about before. Cold. Blood.

But he's not unsympathetic, even if he's getting a bit testy again. Yes, he's emotionally strained to his limits, but this time, he's also trying to sound more normal. If he ribs Keith a little in that easy way they do, something normal and familiar, maybe that'll make this feel less crazy?

It's hard for him to gauge what would make anything feel less crazy. He's been steeped in crazy horrifying crap for so long, he's not sure he even really remembers that well what it felt like to have his body altered for the first time. There's a lot of holes in his memories in general, though.]

[tempredmental]

..... [Keith sighed through his nose.] Right. Yeah. [So helpful, Lance.] Coldblood.

[He leaned back, laying against the stairs. It wasn't comfortable, but it grounded him, reminded him that things were real.]

What are you? [He'd mentioned other types, right?]

[azurestar]

[He is the most helpful person, it's true. He watches Keith press his back into the stairs like that for a moment and looks away with a breath out his nose and clenching his jaw.]

I… know it's totally messed up right now. But you'll get used to it. [Then his hand goues through his hair and he answers the question.] I'm a paleblood. It looks normal during the day, but if I bleed in moonlight it glows this pale milky color.

[tempredmental]

Okay. [Sounded weird, but what wasn't weird at this point?]

And you said about... like... powers and stuff? Each one's different?

[He stared at the sky, focusing on keeping his breathing even.]

[azurestar]

[Lance's eyebrows draw together a bit as he can tell Keith is trying to keep himself even. After a moment of hesitation where the little twitches in his fingers speed up, he mentally checks on the locks on his emotion box and reaches over and places a hand on his arm.]

Keith… you don't have to keep pushing through on this. If you wanna just freak out about it for a second, you can. [He lets out a shuddered breath and makes a short, sharp hiss between his teeth when a voice tells him he's a hypocrite.] Buuut to answer your question: yeah. Each blood type gets a kind of power. Coldbloods get elemental powers, palebloods get brain powers, darkbloods have reality changing powers, vilebloods get… physical powers, I think? Or is it just poison? …Anyway uh, the last type is warmbloods, they have no powers.

[tempredmental]

Right, because me freaking out about things always goes so well.

[Stealing Shiro's truck, getting expelled from the Garrison, fighting Zarkon alone with the Red Lion, agreeing to fight almost every member of the Blade of Marmora in a trial, taking an almost suicide mission into Zarkon's ship to deliver Pidge's computer virus, almost single-handedly ruining Allura's coalition meeting by having a tantrum over Shiro's disappearance, chasing Lotor into a gas planet that messed with their sensors and almost getting the team killed, arguing with everyone during a mission to recover the comet fragment and losing the fragment to Lotor, leaving the team entirely for the Blades, almost jet-packing his way off into empty space alone because they were arguing while stranded... destroying the Clear Day ride in his future because the car he and Hunk were in got stuck

Need he go on?

He did want to freak out, though. He wanted to vent and punch something... or... he didn't even know. It was only a matter of time before his temper would get the best of him at this rate, but he was trying really hard to put it aside for Lance's sake. Lance didn't deserve his anger. This situation wasn't his fault.]

Elemental powers... [Wait... He lifted his head off the step to look at Lance for a second.] Brain powers? So, you have like... telepathy or something? [That could be... awkward...]

[azurestar]

[Lance can't hold back the broken sounding laugh that turns into uncontrolled, hollow giggles that he chokes on. He coughs, pounding a fist to his chest as he brings one hand up to cover his eyes.]

O-oh man, that's- [snort.] That's a good point, man. But, trust me… whatever you feel like doing to blow off some steam, most these people have definitely seen worse.

[His body shudders again as he tries to swallow another chuckle and he makes himself count backwards from ten in his head. There's nothing actually funny about this, about the fact that people turn into rampaging monsters when they freak out enough around here… or that the last time he personally freaked out near another person, he nearly killed Keith.

But the irony of it coupled with the abrupt reminder of all the stuff that they went through long before this nightmare just sort of… clashed together and broke something in his brain for a second. It all feels like another lifetime ago, and the reminder was almost comforting, even if Keith was referring to things he's personally ashamed of. But at the same time, it tore open some wounds he now has to try and treat.

And above all, he genuinely doesn't want Keith to bottle it up unnecessarily, to suffer through and swallow it until he breaks. Again. He lets out a huff and clears his throat to continue.]

Don't worry, your thoughts are safe from me and thank the creepy squid gods for that because I definitely don't wanna know what goes on under that mullet.

[tempredmental]

[Hollow or not, the laughter spreads. It's a release of pent up energy, at least. Keith couldn't help but do the same.]

Don't... don't laugh. [His complaint definitely lost some of its power, though, in the fact that he was kind of laughing, too. He reached over, giving Lance a weak slap on the back, trying for a small shove.] It's not funny... [Yes... yes, it was... in a way.

Keith was fully aware of just how much of a disaster he was. No matter what others saw in him as far as potential, he'd always be that kid with the 'discipline issues' who couldn't control his temper. And, while it served him pretty well at times during fights, it definitely also got him in a lot of trouble.

He pushed himself back up so he was sitting again.]

Yeah, well... sometimes I don't know want to know what's going on in my own head, so I don't blame you. [Bracing his elbows on his knees, he put his head in his hands for a second before just running them through his hair with a breath. The laugh had actually helped a little.

He sighed, looking at his hands, noting that the newly formed 'scab' on his thumb where he'd cut himself looked icy, and then shook his head.]

Think it's been an hour, yet?

[azurestar]

[The moment is a release of tension, even if he's trying hard to hold back letting just how unhinged he is show. Okay, maybe he's not as unhinged as he thinks if he can reign it in, but it is hard. And when Keith joins in and shoves him a bit, he forgets for a blissful moment that the two years they had exist… only in his memory now.

It's true that Keith is kind of a mess, and it's part of what caught his attention about him, both good and bad. He's always admired his passion even if his hot head made him want to shake him. He actually manages a soft smile, his guard falling almost completely as that fond, dumb look he'd get when looking at Keith after he started slowly realizing his feelings for him settles on his features.

And then it shatters the moment his mind pulls him back to reality. The moment Keith moves to sit forward and the topic shifts, it's like a wrecking ball into his brain. And as Keith looks at his hands, Lance's breath is sharp for a moment as he hugs his arms, posture curling inward. A rash of a blue-gold glow starts under his skin at his neck and travels up to his cheeks. Then it stops as he closes his eyes and desperately focuses on trying to shut it down. Disconnect.

The glow subsides just enough to go back under his clothes at least and hopefully Keith was still looking at his hands. He swallows and his voice comes out unsteady.] Dunno. M-maybe.

[He stands up, mentally scrambling for something to hold onto, his eyes frantically spot a soup stand.] I-I'll be right back. With- with soup.

[And he doesn't wait for a response before he's going up the stairs, shoulders hunched. Get it together, Lance. Get it together (he's a mess (too much to-)).]

[tempredmental]

[He caught something of it, but, by the time he did, Lance was clamping it down. Also, he was moving too fast. Keith frowned at the suddenness, concerned.]

L-Lance...?

[But the other was already heading up the steps and away. Keith turned, watching the other Paladin retreat so quickly.

Had he done something wrong again?

Keith signed heavily and then leaned against the railing of the staircase to wait for Lance to come back.]

[azurestar]

[Before going to the soup stand, he takes a detour into a nearby alley and just breathes hard and heavy. He can't just let it all out here, though, it's not that simple for him, he has to get it under control.

He has vague flashes of when he was in a memory share with Luz. He'd shut down his power flare almost instantly when she needed his help, why can't he seem to recreate that here? It's hazy though, his mind already creating barriers around the re-visiting of one of his worst experiences, maybe that's why…

But best not waste time wondering on that, he tries to focus on keeping others safe, all that good, paladin stuff. Ignores the shadows creeping in his vision and… shoves it all back in the box, goes mostly blank. It's a lot like cramming lightning in a bottle. But for now, it works.

He then goes to grab the soup, one for Keith and one for himself and comes back, his eyes focused on his hands and his expression tight as he hands one bowl over to him. He clears his throat and his voice is a bit rough, but evens out a bit as he keeps talking.]

Figured you could, y'know… use the fuel. Before you try standing again.

[tempredmental]

[Keith wanted to pull the coat tighter as he sat there, but it just felt too warm to do so. He wasn't even sure this was just not being affected by the cold. He was downright hot.

His thoughts about that were pulled back to the present as Lance finally returned with two soups. He looked up and then took the offered bowl carefully.]

Thanks.

[His voice was quiet, debating if he wanted to push Lance on why he was acting so cagey. Was it just this place in general or was it specifically him? Honestly, Keith was a little nervous of the answer, his issues with people not wanting him around still creeping around the edges of his emotions.

So, for now, he focused on the soup, taking a sip.

But damn... it was hot, too... and not helping the fact that he was feeling more like it was the middle of summer out here instead of winter.]

[azurestar]

[Lance sits down with his own soup back in the spot he was before, and he sips it once and that's it. His expression goes distant as he takes in the emotion that comes off of Keith and tries not to let it mingle with the ball of emotion he's buried so deep.

That can happen sometimes, he feels someone's emotion and it dislodges something in him. After a long moment of grappling with his internal conflict while on the outside looking like a statue staring at nothing, he shakes himself out of it. He doesn't need to be an empath to know that Keith's simple thanks and the silence that follows is because of how Lance is acting.

He swirls the little wooden spoon in the small bowl for a moment, watching it. Then he comes up with something to give him so he's not sitting there in the dark and confused. Brushing this close to the truth out loud is risky, but not doing it is too. He's gonna find out at least this much eventually, anyway.]

In the nightmare… people would sometimes wake up and go home. And then they would come back and not remember they were ever there. Pidge… left and came back that way twice. Hunk once. And now… you. [His hands start to tremble and he sets the bowl aside before he spills any on his hands. He huffs a bitter laugh.] You just had to out-do me again, huh. I forget one bonding moment and you… went and forgot over two years of them.

[His voice cracks with grief, and then anger and frustration seeps in and he recognizes that that's what is making his hands shake. This is easier, anger is easier to process than everything else, but it does set off another small glow. He abruptly stands again, his back turned to Keith as he crosses his arms tightly.]

[tempredmental]

[The silence did kind of drag a bit between them, and it felt heavy and awkward. But Keith was afraid to break it, afraid that he'd say the wrong thing and just piss Lance off again. He honestly liked how easy things had become for them back home, how they could talk to each other now, and spend time around each other without arguing... how the teasing was more just them being dorks and fooling around, not trying to actually be mean anymore.

Lance broke the silence first, and Keith was kind of relieved.

The explanation actually caused quite a few different emotions to hit Keith at once. First, there was the whole "this has happened to others and not just him" kind of relief when Lance reveals that he was there before, and that being around previously while not remembering it was kind of A Thing in this place. He wondered if that had to do with multiple realities or something... multiple versions of them and therefore, multiple options for pulling them from home and into this place.

But then he said that... about out-doing him. Really? They were back to this? Keith narrowed his eyes, glaring slightly over his soup bowl at the comment. He was watching Lance closely enough to notice the glow this time, but sort of misremembering how Lance had described the paleblood thing earlier and attributing it to that for the moment.]

Are you seriously turning this into a fucking competition right now? You think I like not knowing what the hell is going on here?

[Two years was a long time, too, and it frustrated him that he was missing that much time from his memory, if indeed it was the same version of him that had been here last time and not some alternate reality version of himself.]

[azurestar]

[Lance's shoulders rise up closer to his ears as he bristles. Opening up even that much might have been a bad idea. Okay, it was definitely a bad idea, he should have left the job of explaining that to Hunk or Shiro. But it's out there now and Keith is of course totally missing what he was expressing, because of course he is. The idiot wouldn't understand nuanced expressions of emotion and black humor if it came up and bit him in the ass.

His arms uncross and he lets his fingers twitch in his hands at his sides as he tries to wrangle the chaos in his head. Man, it would be so easy to just lash out right back, shove Keith away and undo everything they've evolved towards even before they arrived in Deerington. But nothing is ever easy and despite everything he's been through that has pushed him backwards, he does know better.

Still, how does he explain this to Keith in a way that's safe? If he vocalizes how much this hurts, he's for sure going to turn into a ticking time bomb. He's not safe to be around, to be close to, maybe burning it all to the ground is just better. He lets out a frustrated sound and his hands go to his head to roughly clutch at his hair, his head dipping.]

ARGH! I'm not competing with you, you idiot! [His hands fly off his head and he gesticulates wild and helplessly and then he takes some heavy, shaky breaths that sound a little wet. He closes his eyes against the torrent of emotion and forces it back down, makes it safe as the glow dies once again.] …Nevermind, just forget it.

[His voice is rough and hollow, tired and disconnected. He turns back around, looking about a fraction of how messed up he feels, face worn and pinched.] I know… forgetting everything is hard. Y'know, from experience.

[tempredmental]

[Keith glared at Lance for calling him an idiot. What was he supposed to think? This is how things were between them, right? What was he missing? He huffed a sigh as Lance pushed it off again, and looked away, his pouty scowl glaring daggers at the icy beach sand off in the opposite direction. Christ, he hated it when he couldn't understand something. He was, he could tell, and it was bothering him like crazy because Lance was being cagey instead of direct. Keith had problems understanding cagey... or hints... or wink wink nudge nudge... or things like that, really. He always managed to latch on to the wrong thing. It was something he hated about himself.

But... experience? Keith almost didn't hear it because he was too busy wallowing in his own faults for a second, but the idea of forgetting things was definitely an issue at play here, and his mind forced him back to the conversation to make sure he caught that. His scowl shifted from frustrated to confused, but he didn't turn to look back again.]

So, like... there's a chance that those two years could suddenly just pop back or something?

[Or was he getting that wrong, too? He put his head in his hand, rubbing his forehead a bit before pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to focus.]

[azurestar]

[There's a distance between them and Lance can't help but cross his arms over his middle in a way that looks more like he's hugging himself than anything else. He's pretty sure it's going to slowly drive him mad right now that he can see how much Keith is frustrated and bothered that he doesn't understand, but… be so hindered by himself that he can't help him completely.

He's trying his best, but he's painfully aware that his best isn't good enough. It never has been in just about everything he's ever tried to do, and it's always hurt, but now he has the added pain of loss and the mocking torture of that loss sitting right in front of him unaware.

He lets out a huff of breath and looks down, clenching his jaw for a moment against how much he wishes he could say yes to that question.]

…Not likely. I've only heard of it happening maybe a couple times, and those people who left and came back remembered everything almost right away. If you haven't remembered yet… you're probably not going to.

[Keith may notice he's not including himself in that explanation because he lost his memories another way.]

[tempredmental]

[Keith sighed at that, watching Lance's closed off posture for a second before saying anything.]

Right. [He wasn't exactly sure what that meant for the long run, but it heavily leaned towards an alternate reality situation. He could accept that, oddly enough, considered he'd traveled to an alternate reality already.

He remembered the knife and then folded it closed before holding it back out to Lance. It was his knife, after all.]

So, then... what about you? It sounds like you had a different situation.

[azurestar]

[Unconsciously, he rubs at his upper arm and looks to the side before going to sit back down, taking the knife back. This is another detail of the shit Keith just stepped in that might be a lot to take in and he is really feeling himself wear down. Of course, it's largely his massive pile of emotional baggage from his relationship with Keith that is now gone that is causing the wearing, but…

He lets out a huff and gets to it already.] Short answer? I died… Back in the dream, the magic that held us there wasn't perfect, it was falling apart. And that magic could also bring us back to life when we were killed, but each time there was a price, and it got worse with each death. Losing pieces of your memory was one of the prices… I even forgot how to speak English for a while once.

[He sighs and gives Keith a moment to process all that. The unstable magic that made up the nightmare and the revival process is also part of why he thinks most people don't remember when they leave and come back. You lose something of yourself each time you die and Ramona told them that there wasn't enough power to bring back everything perfectly each time, or something along those lines. It would make sense for the same rules to apply to fully leaving the nightmare and then all that power dragging them back. Some things get lost and can't be restored.]

[tempredmental]

[Keith's heart dropped into his stomach. Those words...

"I died."

He had to force himself to breathe for a moment, trying not to freak out. He'd been through this with one friend already... with Shiro. And, yeah, Shiro was more than a friend, he was his brother, but still. That didn't make it easier to think that there was stuff at work in this place that had been killing them and bringing them all back to life.

(Good thing he didn't know about Shiro's dream adventures, or even what happened back home at the Omega Shield...)

But, the way Lance talked about it... that he'd forgotten English "once"... Keith's head immediately associated that with meaning Lance had died multiple times in the dream, and that didn't help the wrenching sensation in his gut that he was probably going to have to face losing people like that here, too. No matter how prepared for the idea he might be (they were in a war, for crying out loud), that didn't mean he liked it.]

Oh... [Honestly, he was kind of speechless. What does one even say to something like that? He hadn't known how to answer Shiro in the Black Lion's consciousness, either. It just... it was like getting verbally smacked across the face. It stunned him.] I... [He took a breath. No. He was bad at words. Even in normal circumstances, he messed things like that up. He was pretty sure anything that could come out of his mouth right now was just going to screw everything up.

But, could he leave it just like that? No response?]

I... I don't know what to say... [He stared at the ground between his feet for a second. "I'm sorry you died," just seemed contrite and empty.]

[azurestar]

[Lance has no clue about how those words resonate with Keith, but he does sense the shift in his emotions. His brows draw together in confusion and no small amount of concern, that he has to grit his teeth against rising to levels he can't keep a grip on.

But it's hard when he sees Keith has to force himself to breathe and looks like he's creeping towards some kind of crisis. He wants to reach out to touch him and ground him, but so far every time they have gotten too close he's come close to disaster. He clenches his fists in his lap and just does his best to give his full attention to him. Try to understand or… just be there.

Then Keith finally speaks and… Lance is reminded that though dying so many times has made him sort of jaded on the subject (by necessity given his situation, but also he suspects he is genuinely used to it), for other people it's a big deal. Even knowing one can be brought back. The first person close to him to die when he came to the nightmare, was actually Keith himself, and the memory of finding his corpse and then the ghost on loop still haunts him.]

You don't have to say anything. I'm fine with it. Really, I am… [His eyes flicker from Keith to the ground and back as he considers his next words, then carefully:] seems like it threw you for more of a loop, though.

[Gentle offer to talk about what's bothering him, because Lance has a hard time with the idea that Keith would be that upset over just him dying a couple times… well, six times (not counting omega shield). Because he came back, right? He's sitting right here, talking to him, so he's clearly fine and alive and… fine (he's not fine (hah, ain't that the truth)).]

[tempredmental]

[Okay... okay... okay...

No, it was not okay. None of this was okay.

Keith leaned his elbows on his knees so he could just hunch over with his head in his hands.

And Lance was fine with it.]

You shouldn't have to be fine with it!

[Keith barely held back the tremor in his voice, and somewhere behind them on the boardwalk, a passerby yelped when a small fire suddenly burst into existence in a nearby trashcan. Not realizing that was his doing and honestly just ignoring the yelp, Keith shook his head.]

I just... You know why. [Getting kicked out the Garrison because he couldn't deal with the Kerberos crew being declared dead. Nearly tearing apart the Voltron Coalition before it had a chance to form because he threw a fit in the middle of a meeting after Shiro disappeared from the Black Lion. He didn't exactly have these freakouts in private.

Keith did not handle death well.]

[azurestar]

[Lance watches as Keith leans forward and struggles, hears that tremor in his voice and the instinct to slide over and-

He bites his lip hard enough to draw a bit of red blood and looks away, feeling a prickling at his eyes. Again, it's swallowed down with great effort and he tightly crosses his arms, shoulders hunching. Not only can he not comfort Keith the way he wants to, Keith is talking about something really complicated and difficult for both of them for different reasons. It's a lot.

His head turns to look at the fire when it bursts to life nearby and faintly, he realizes the connection. But that's an issue to address later perhaps. Right now, he just nods when Keith says he knows why. Because he does. There are many things he knows about Keith that he banished to some far corner of his brain where it could hurt him less, but now confronted with this, the information is brought back to the fore.]

I know. [His voice is barely above a whisper. Then he closes his eyes and heaves a bit of a rattled and shallow breath (thanks Maul).] I really wish I could tell you it's not gonna happen again. To any of us… but we'll always come back to you. Sleepers don't stay dead in the Waking World either.

[His voice took on a peculiar soft tone when he says that they'll always come back. One he's used only when talking to Allura, at least to Keith's memory. Immediately, Lance is looking away again, belatedly realizing how he'd just sounded.]