[The first "no" that passes his lips is so soft that Lan Xichen may not even hear him say the words, considering he continues speaking. But Jin Guangyao keeps shaking his head anyway, a barely perceptible jerk of his chin, defiant even as Lan Xichen continues gently, relentlessly claiming responsibility for something that cannot, cannot be on his hands. Because if he does, if he succeeds in taking this onto himself here and now, then what was the fucking point--]

No, [soft again, pained, and then with defiance,] no--stop, Er-ge. You can't--you cannot. I kept--so much filth hidden from you, [why does his voice have to break here, why now,] I never wanted any of this to touch you, to--to dirty you, I..!

[He slips from the chair and goes to his knees on the floor in front of Lan Xichen, like he's seconds away from kowtowing. A broken, shattered plea,] Don't apologize. Please. Please.