[There is a part of Lan Xichen that rears its ugly head, just as it had back in the temple as the poison ate through the flesh in Jin Guangyao's hand. This part of him had wanted the other man to hurt, to feel a mirror of the anguish Lan Xichen was feeling.
It didn't last. Where Nie Mingjue's rage could be the heart of the sun itself, Lan Xichen's was a smattering of sparks.
This horrible part of him keeps him standing, watching Jin Guangyao a little longer, before it's pushed back down and smothered by a dozen other feelings.
Do not be of two minds says the Wall of Discipline. To hell with two, he feels as though he's of twenty minds!
It would be easier if he could hate him. If he could see this all in simple black and white as Nie Mingjue had.
But he can't. He has seen both the best and the worst of Jin Guangyao, and perhaps now he understands his own father a little more.
Lan Xichen goes to his knees beside him, hand still around his wrist.]
We'll say prayers and make offerings anyway.
[He's been here before. Jin Guangyao has not.]
But don't despair a death that has not happened yet.
[Maybe this time will be different. Maybe Jin Guangyao could make it different.]
CW - reference to severe hand injury
It didn't last. Where Nie Mingjue's rage could be the heart of the sun itself, Lan Xichen's was a smattering of sparks.
This horrible part of him keeps him standing, watching Jin Guangyao a little longer, before it's pushed back down and smothered by a dozen other feelings.
Do not be of two minds says the Wall of Discipline. To hell with two, he feels as though he's of twenty minds!
It would be easier if he could hate him. If he could see this all in simple black and white as Nie Mingjue had.
But he can't. He has seen both the best and the worst of Jin Guangyao, and perhaps now he understands his own father a little more.
Lan Xichen goes to his knees beside him, hand still around his wrist.]
We'll say prayers and make offerings anyway.
[He's been here before. Jin Guangyao has not.]
But don't despair a death that has not happened yet.
[Maybe this time will be different. Maybe Jin Guangyao could make it different.]