[When Keith falls back because of him, he does seem to jerk in surprise, like he's about to reach out and catch him. But then Keith catches himself and Lance freezes and then lets his hands fall to his thighs. There's a lot he constantly feels guilty about, ashamed of, and right now shoving Keith off him like that is getting added to the list.
Why he can never seem to do anything right or figure out how to just accept what's happened and move forward and be okay is beyond him. There was a time when he'd love to touch and be touched, to be the center of everyone's focus, and now? Cracking jokes and being a charming flirt feels more like going through the motions and more a shield than something he feels fully sincere about.
For a long time he's faked it till he made it, in just about everything he's ever tried to do, and that still holds true. But faced with Keith returning like this after all they had been through together, it's an impossible task. He can't put that shield up and be the person Keith is more used to right now. That person is still there, he's just more broken and buried under all this dug up pain. Maybe eventually he'll manage to crack a smile and tease Keith about something dumb for fun.
Maybe.
He shakes his head.] No… I'm sorry, man. [His jaw clenches and he closes his eyes to steel himself.] …It's been over three years.
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Why he can never seem to do anything right or figure out how to just accept what's happened and move forward and be okay is beyond him. There was a time when he'd love to touch and be touched, to be the center of everyone's focus, and now? Cracking jokes and being a charming flirt feels more like going through the motions and more a shield than something he feels fully sincere about.
For a long time he's faked it till he made it, in just about everything he's ever tried to do, and that still holds true. But faced with Keith returning like this after all they had been through together, it's an impossible task. He can't put that shield up and be the person Keith is more used to right now. That person is still there, he's just more broken and buried under all this dug up pain. Maybe eventually he'll manage to crack a smile and tease Keith about something dumb for fun.
Maybe.
He shakes his head.] No… I'm sorry, man. [His jaw clenches and he closes his eyes to steel himself.] …It's been over three years.